Hello all,
My social media has been flooded with reactions to what happened yesterday in Texas. After sleeping on it, I found myself wanting to talk to my athletes - as well as anyone else that may feel a lot of anger/hurt this morning.
I don't hide it from my older athletes as much, and today I come clean to all my readers: I consider myself a pretty good volleyball coach. But what I'm really doing is teaching my kids life lessons. I want to help my athletes realize they can achieve their dreams through hard work. I want to teach them to do everything they do to the best of their ability. I want them to know they're still valid even when they don't perform at that level. I want them to learn how to work well with teams.
On top of all that, I want to teach them how to deal with adversity - because life is going to throw a lot at them. That's why I don't get hung up on wins and losses. When we lose, that's an opportunity to figure out something we can do better. Was it strategy issues? What can we do differently next time to possibly achieve a better result? Did our fundamentals falter? If so, what do we need to do at our next practices to be better prepared for the next competition? Did we lose our heads? How can we make sure next time we don't self-inflict some of our issues?
While many of my athletes will not play sports beyond high school, I certainly hope that these lessons will help them with their education, relationships, and careers.
But today? There's no room for a head-fake. It's time to take volleyball out of the equation. Because it
isn't important compared to other things we're dealing with as a society. And while I'd love to shield you from the realities of this world, that isn't realistic in 2022.
I think a lot of people look at our country as two separate teams right now. But that's not accurate. We're
all in this together. It's literally in the country's name: The
United States of America.
Isn't feeling too united this morning, is it?
What I do feel is that our country is a
very dysfunctional team. And that's not a judgment - it's just an observation. Power in our country is like playing time on a team. There's far more demand than supply, and some players are going to have to take a role that they may not like sometimes.
One thing I stress to my athletes is that if they're ever frustrated with their role on a team, there's a right way and wrong way to handle it. "I feel I should be starting" or "I don't think <player> is better than me" isn't going to get the response they're hoping for.
But "What can I do to earn a bigger role on the team?" is a
very fair question. And it's ultimately their best bet to get what they want. Because I have no issue telling a player what the other player is doing that has earned them their time on the court - and then it's up to them to put the work in to earn their own time.
One thing that's been really hard to watch is how it's become normalized to just point fingers at each other. It's certainly a recipe for disaster on a youth sports team, and it's not going to be any better in society.
Once the loss has occurred, destructive criticism isn't the solution. I think it's important to be able to take a step back and look for
constructive solutions. What were some of the causes of this loss? What are some things we can put in place to make sure those same things can't keep happening?
The thing is, there will
always be losses. I think something that we simplify too much is, there will
always be some people that do bad things. There will always be corruption. There will always be people that want to cause chaos, as well as those that crave power - and will step on anyone that tries to get in their way. There is no solution that changes that.
But when tragedy strikes, what we
can do is come together as a team and try to figure out the best way to move forward. How can we make it harder for these situations to happen? For my 2nd-amendment friends, I'm not suggesting taking guns away: But I do think there's an objective conversation to make it harder to obtain one for people that may not be capable of handling one responsibly. We do this with driver's licenses, weapons should be no different.
It can't be guns vs. no guns. That's not a viable conversation. So the question is, what's the best procedures we can put in place to make it harder for incidents like this to occur? Whether we agree or not,
that should be a unified goal with all those participating in the discussion, because the goal has to be to reduce these shootings.
When we lose sight of that last sentence, that's when we're further divided.
It's important not to let tragedy pull us apart. Some people absolutely want that for their own personal gain/power. We cannot let them create that narrative as we have for the last few years. One of the biggest issues I see is representatives of our country not acting like leaders. They're acting like players that are hell-bent to get their playing time regardless of whether or not it's in the best interests of the team. And so when losses occur, they are outspoken to their constituents on why it's the other players' fault, less concerned on how to get a better result the next game, but fully focused on making sure
they get on the court vs. the 'other' players.
It's dysfunctional on youth sports teams, and it's certainly dysfunctional in society.
I don't come to you all with solutions. But I do come to you with a better method of finding them. Because for years, I've been
watching us respond to losses in a manner that will only continue to have them pile up.
When I coached Division I, one of the biggest challenges is you have 12-16 athletes that were all incredibly successful that come from unique circumstances. Some had coaches that cracked the whip, others had coaches that coddled them for fear they'd leave for another team. And now you have to get them all to buy into one mission statement/philosophy that may not align with what they've done up to this point. It isn't always easy, and egos need to be put to the side: But when done correctly, the results can be a beautiful thing.
It is a lot harder when the team is 330 million deep, and you have people with a lot of reach to those people trying to divide us further. So when that happens, I hope this letter comes to mind. I hope you remember that
you have a choice on how you respond. I hope you can focus less on who's to blame and more on solutions on how to move forward.
Because that's how we make this conversation occur less and less. Real leadership comes from accountability, action, and implementation. And we
can do better as a team. I will share with you the cardinal rule I learned on the debate team at the age of 15 that has stayed with me all these years:
You don't attack the person, you attack the argument.
I think we all can be better teammates. And I hope no matter what others do,
you don't let their actions of others affect your ability to focus on the arguments instead of who is making them.
Real progress requires that of us.
I love you all. We're all in this together, let's be better teammates.
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